Soilman

No, I didn’t grow these. Wish I had.

But they’ve become an important symbol of my future, because I recently discovered I have high cholesterol. Probably what caused my father to die in his 50s, though nobody knew it at the time.

It’s a pisser, because I don’t eat mountains of junk (er, hello!? I’m an allotmenteer!). Bitterness aside, though, it has two major effects: Good and Bad.

The Good: I have to eat shit loads of fruit. So sod the expense – life really IS a bowl of cherries henceforth.

The Bad: What the bloody hell am I going to do with three 5m rows of potatoes grown specifically for making great chips?