Allotment blog goes commercial

Allotment blog search

Shock news: Many visitors to this blog come via an “allotment blog” search in Google. Obviously I’d love a slice of the “midget sex” market, too, but for now I’m stuck with allotments.

This is not a sexy Search market. Even in the peak gardening interest period (early Spring), “allotment blog” gets stuck into Google just 100 times a day. And all by Brits (source: Google insights for search).

Some of you have been blogging about allotmenteering a lot longer than me, and you’ll know what a tumbleweed trap ‘allotments’ is. It’s pathetically parochial (nobody outside the UK knows what an allotment is) and until recently it was old blokes in flat caps who’d never even seen a computer, let alone touched one.

But wow, how things change. Check it out: there are now some folks paying for Search advertising on “allotment blog”. Astonishing.

They’re mostly advertising for start-up community gardening sites, no doubt supported (eventually) by advertising from the industry. And good luck to them. It’s lovely to see anyone giving a shit about allotments… especially now there’s (apparently) a few quid in them there hills.

But you know what? I thought I’d just take this opportunity to mention – while the allotmenteering space is commercialising all around us – that if you don’t want to pay for advice, or be advertised at in return for the privilege, you don’t have to.

There’s a huge number of garden bloggers out there who, like me, do it all for free (sad bastards) and will always try to help anyone who asks… gratis. Check out my blogroll to find them.

We do it for love, laughs and a genuine desire to help (plus a bit of boasting and vainglory, on my part, when something goes right). So take advantage.

Just one small cost: You sometimes have to read a lot of shit about midget sex.

10 Responses to “Allotment blog goes commercial”

  1. paul johnstone Says:

    midget sex , previously it was dwarf sex , something you want to tell us soilman .
    Perhaps Snow White will be on the television on at Christmas , all those dwarfs should put you in your element .
    Keep up the good work and get those veggies up for christmas before the frost traps them .

  2. szolt Says:

    Well, it is said that “little people” are one of the few remaining minorities on whose cost even otherwise intelligent people will joke without much consideration (ie. midget jokes), and you my friend sure are digging in!

  3. tanya walton Says:

    Oh soilamn…you can always put a smile on my face…no matter what time of the day. I think it’s great that so many people are getting back into allotmenting but I agree with you….those money grabbing bastards should stay away….not everything is about money and the sooner the world learns that the better….and hey…if whilst reading your blog I learn a thing or two about the pro’s and con’s of ‘midget sex’ then all in a days instruction…right!!! (lol)

  4. Soilman Says:

    Thanks for taking the time to comment, Szolt. Your comment is a serious one, so deserves a serious reply (for once).

    You’re right; my comments could certainly cause offence… Which I never want to do. I think of myself as a fairly kind and tolerant man.

    But you know what? I could plausibly and justifiably take offence at least three times a day in response to unkind words, gestures and mistimed or thoughtless jokes. I have been the butt of these in my own life for other ‘minority status’ reasons.

    But I prefer to forgive and try to see the joke… Because there usually is one, despite my sense of hurt. In life, the best armour is a sense of humour – not a sense of grievance or victimhood.

    The way I see it, it’s sticks and stones that break bones, not words. The course of history was never altered by jokes. It’s the stifling and outlawing of jokes – yes, even the unkind sort – that causes violence and suffering.

    Consider 18th century France, which was arguably the most censored, stifled society in history. Worse even than Stalin’s USSR, or Ceaucescu’s Romania, in that not only was political commentary banned in print (or in word – the ancien regime ran a particularly brutal secret police), it was illegal even to depict a slap or punch on stage, far less a ‘cruel’ joke. Every word said, every thought expressed, every song sung in public discourse had to be clean, ‘kind’, uplifting, proper, uncontroversial, unconfrontational, decent.

    And in 1789, this decorous, beautiful, stifled, ‘decent’ society erupted into an orgy of callous evil and blood-letting without parallel in modern history until Stalin’s purges.

    Stop people saying what they think, stop them laughing at what they find funny (however offensive), and you don’t stop them thinking it, or finding it funny. You just drive it out of sight, not out of mind. And harmless things grow dangerous in the dark.

    PS Wanna use some time in really important protest at intolerance and unkindness? Drop a line to the Ugandan government.

  5. Caz Says:

    Soilman, I know you are having a serious moment but please don’t change the tone of this blog… yes, sometimes it is not PC but if I have read right in the past, this humorous attack is often aimed at your own self – and it always makes me laugh. keep taking the p..s out of life and yourself – it cheers us all up!

  6. Soilman Says:

    No worries, Caz: Shit, this is a gardening site, not a political commentary! I’d certainly rather stick to the piss-taking. It’s just that if people feel the need to reprove me, I have to delete them (which I hate doing, on principle) or respond. Apols for uncharacteristic gravitas.

  7. Tasty Roots Says:

    Speaking of this being a “gardening site”: whatever happened to your celeriac this year? You got us excited about the prospects of harvest and the intrigue of theft. Subsequently, you have callously left us waiting in suspense.

  8. Soilman Says:

    Great question, Tasty Roots – and thanks for the reminder. Celeriac update coming soon!

  9. altadenahiker Says:

    Uh, about your dislike of sex with the vertically challenged, methinks the man doth protest too much.

  10. Mal's Allotment Says:

    Soilman doesn’t leave you short changed. Glad you’re abstaining from the adverts. (I tried to load the BBC weather widget on my blog and ended up with adverts so had to scrap it.)