Soilman

I have so many Jerusalem artichokes I’m close to despair. This is just a fraction of the huge haul from Sunday’s Great Clearance Works.

Managed to foist a bagful on a luckless work colleague (thanks Celia!), but it’s like trying to bail out the Atlantic Ocean with a thimble.

I’m keeping quiet about the gastroentiritic side-effects, but the word seems to be out. “Fuck no, don’t eat them – you’ll fart to death,” was one colleague’s unhelpful advice to an artichoke virgin whom I’d cajoled to the brink of accepting some.

There’s nothing for it. I’ll just have to eat artichokes for a week, and nothing else. Wife’s away for 10 days from Sunday, so I can barricade the door, lay in stocks of air freshener and go for it.