Soilman

Ladies and gentlemen, you may be looking at my most successful crop in 2010.

Yes, these humble beetroots are about the only things I’ve grown that I can be proud of this year. And I’m not that proud, frankly.

It’s all OK, though, because I’ve rationalised everything. It’s just a one-off lousy year. Shit happens. Next year, I’ll be drowning in veg again.

Everything’s going to be just fine.

Right?

Well it’s a funny old year when your best crop is parsnips. For me, this is a first.

Parsnips are always OK – you know, forgettably acceptable. I have germination issues most years, but that’s about the limit of the grief parsnips give. They grow, to a pretty standard size, and I eat them with barely a moment’s thought or gratitude.

All that’s changed in 2010, as the rest of my vegetable plot dies around me. Gone is my blithe indifference, replaced by quivering gratitude for the parsnips’ ploddy, undemanding, stolid performance.

They are the new love of my gardening life.

I’ve just about caught up with the weeding and got all the crops in… on midsummer’s day.

Hey. Better late than never.

This season isn’t going to be my finest hour. I’m late with everything, the weather’s been SHIT (dry, cold, miserable) and I’ve not had time to plant more than 60% of my plot.

Oh, and now we’re going to have a drought. Fucking great. Wake me up when it’s all over.

Astonishingly, my potatoes appear to be coming back… thank Heaven. Thanks to everyone who expressed sympathy, and good luck to those who suffered the same fate. Hope yours are recovering too.

My thoughts have now turned to the pot-bound plants that desperately need to get out on the plot – such as this celeriac.

Normally, I’d have planted them out by now. But this year, I simply daren’t – I have a nasty feeling that Winter hasn’t quite finished with us yet, despite the gorgeous 23C sunshine we’re enjoying this weekend.

So I’m going to have a nervous breakdown trying to get everything out next weekend… when I assume it will piss with rain 24/7.

At least today I got a good run in the log book. This route was absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t recommend it highly enough – for a jog, walk, run, whatever.

I have so many Jerusalem artichokes I’m close to despair. This is just a fraction of the huge haul from Sunday’s Great Clearance Works.

Managed to foist a bagful on a luckless work colleague (thanks Celia!), but it’s like trying to bail out the Atlantic Ocean with a thimble.

I’m keeping quiet about the gastroentiritic side-effects, but the word seems to be out. “Fuck no, don’t eat them – you’ll fart to death,” was one colleague’s unhelpful advice to an artichoke virgin whom I’d cajoled to the brink of accepting some.

There’s nothing for it. I’ll just have to eat artichokes for a week, and nothing else. Wife’s away for 10 days from Sunday, so I can barricade the door, lay in stocks of air freshener and go for it.

Think I may have left the parsnips a tad too long…

Given good soil and good conditions, parsnips grow to monster sizes. Some folks say they get woody and unpleasant to eat when they’re huge, but to be honest I’ve never noticed. Provided you cut out the core before cooking them, they’re fine.

And actually, this year’s crop has been my best ever. I’ve had two 15ft rows of huge, straight, tapering roots. Delicious, too, because all these frosts have sweetened them marvellously. This is Tender and True, my favourite variety.

How were your parsnips this season?

It’s here. Only eight months until it’s ready. Er…

Sorry I’ve not posted a picture of my shed (you guys must be SO gutted). Not had time. Busy week.

I’ll hopefully be posting some unusual garden pictures over the next few days…

I’ve started a bit late this year. Celeriac usually gets sown end of January, because it needs a long, long growing season to achieve any size (and even then it sometimes fails to deliver much of a bulb).

The good news about a wet summer is that you get monster celeriac. In SE Britain, it was horribly dry last year so I got rubbish. I don’t want a pissing summer, God knows, but there is an upside.

Well, I survived it. Thank Heaven. Actually, this year was quite a good one… and I don’t say that too often about Christmas.

Here’s the celeriac update I promised. My high hopes at the start of the year resulted in a row of shite. Well, at least this year they weren’t stolen (what kind of brain-dead thief would swipe these?).

As you can see, the foliage looks promising… but there’s no bulb underneath. Reason: the driest summer I can ever remember. Celeriac is a swampy plant that demands damp soil. And this year, I simply couldn’t provide.

There’s a shitload more carrots where those came from, but the beetroot is all done for 2009. Ditto the dahlias. I picked the last ones this morning, and the frosts are on their way.

So summer’s definitely over, and you won’t hear me moan about weeds and lack of water for a while.

I’m not too sad. Too bloody busy, what with all the wretched digging.

Guess what I’ll be moaning about now?