Soilman

Warm weather? WARM WEATHER?!?!?

See what happens when you prognosticate? Just gives God another opportunity to demonstrate His evil sense of humour.

Today was beyond shit. Not only did it start with a mild ground frost (thank Heaven I put these out under plastic), it then turned into one of those crappy, blustery, rainy, maritime days for which these islands are infamous.

Didn’t even rain properly. Just a few spits and spots and sharp(ish) showers. Not enough to get down to the plant roots.

So all in all, a predictably pants Bank Holiday Monday. Anyone give me odds on a better one in a few weeks?

The sweetcorn is over and should have come up by now. But I ran out of steam at the weekend.

The difference between the two halves of my plot is stark. Look west, and it’s fairly shipshape. Look east and despair.

I WILL get on top of it this weekend. And that’s a promise.

Er, again.

The corn’s so close I can almost taste it. Sadly it needs about another week before we can scoff it.

What a weird season this has been. Such a cold April, so everything was delayed. Then a crazy warm patch, followed by this relentless rain and disappointment.

Come to think of it, that pretty much describes an average British summer. All we need now is the gorgeous September to complete the picture.

Just takes a few extra bad and/or extra good seasons to distort one’s perception. Memory is so fickle.

For instance, I lived in France 20 years ago. Since then, I’ve been committed to the kind of rosy, even utopic, view of France that only 20-year-old happy memories can sustain.

Then, recently, I found myself hunting for an open shop in rural France. On a Sunday.

If this means nothing to you, I’ll leave it to Francophiles of your acquaintance to explain why it’s a place you don’t want to go.

All I’ll say is that was the day I discovered that beating within me is the heart of a psychopathic serial killer. Who enjoys growing cauliflowers.

Memory. Not worth a rat’s arse.

Nothing more exciting than waiting for sweetcorn to deliver.

It’s one of the most thrilling of all allotment veg. You can’t buy the taste of fresh corn, simply because it doesn’t travel; a few hours from harvest, and it’s already past its best.

The only shame is that it’s gone so fast. Doesn’t last long in this house; two of us usually polish off 50-odd cobs in a few weeks.