Soilman

The countdown’s begun. Just a few days now –  a week at most.

The asparagus kettle has been dug out and dusted down. The free range eggs have been assembled for the hollandaise sauce. Air freshener has been bought for the khazi.

Only time stands in the way of the year’s first asparagus pig-out.

If you’re thinking about planting asparagus crowns and haven’t done it before, this may help. And if you have done it before, you can tell me what I’m doing wrong…

A guide to planting asparagus from Soilman on Vimeo.

It’s, like, TOTAL excitement: The globe artichokes seedlings have finally germinated. After almost 3 weeks.

That’s not all. My new asparagus crowns have arrived. Which means I’ve GOT to get the bramble bed ready to receive them this weekend.

Which means I’ll need to get some compost. And dig it in. And pull out the remaining bramble roots. And perhaps make a movie about it. And… and…

* Nurse! The sedative! *

I have to face two cruel facts:

1. I’m lazy
2. I’m fat

Proof of the first: Since Christmas, I have completed but one task at the allotment – manuring the asparagus. That’s it. Sod all else. This is a dismal performance, even by my low winter standards.

Proof of the second: None of my trousers fit. Some don’t even come close.

So I have a plan. To counter the laziness issue, I plan to do… nothing. And my response to being a porker will be… nothing. Because the main thing, when you’re in the shit, is to Face Up To The Truth. Action can come later, if ever.

I feel so much better for tackling the problem head-on. See how some simple, home-spun philosophising can change your whole outlook? I tell you, I should bottle this stuff.

I didn’t see it when I took the picture. But while I was uploading it from my camera, I spotted this asparagus beetle larva on the fronds.

Asparagus beetle is more of a pain than a threat. Plants are pretty much unaffected by anything but the heaviest infestation.

But the beetles leave little black eggs on the stems, and they’re a nuisance to rub off when you’re preparing the spears for eating.

Little bastards. In Spring, I go on the attack!